December 2010
13 posts
1 tag
Snack Pack
Dad: WHAT R U DOING
Me: I’m eating a snack pack
Dad: SO DOES THAT MEAN YOU ARE DRINKING A SIX PACK OF BEER?
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(719): tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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(248): Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how’s your morning?
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(816): Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don’t want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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(610): I don’t care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
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(405): he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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(954): I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he’s yelling “COMA WEED!”.
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(316): I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
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(412): He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick.!t
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(859): Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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(260): I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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(207): Screw this I’m going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they’re for me.
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(530): The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.