txtsfrmlstnght:
(863): Good lord, they’ve set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(719): tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(248): Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how’s your morning?
txtsfrmlstnght:
(816): Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don’t want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(610): I don’t care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(405): he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(954): I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he’s yelling “COMA WEED!”.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(316): I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(412): He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick.!t
txtsfrmlstnght:
(859): Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
