txtsfrmlstnght:

(719): tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.

txtsfrmlstnght:

(610): I don’t care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

txtsfrmlstnght:

(954): I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he’s yelling “COMA WEED!”.

(765): He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow’s Walk of Fame.

txtsfrmlstnght:

(570): I don’t want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.

(702): No one knows who he is but he hasn’t missed a shot in beer pong yet. He’s dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.

(773): The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.

(706): They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods.

(702): So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said “i got this”.

(503): The first song on his sex mix was “highway to the danger zone”.